Do you consider yourself a creative person?
I never considered myself as creative. Sure I could make my house or property look nice, I even felt good about the classes I was creating and teaching, but I didn't consider that as being creative...for the most part I down played compliments when it came to that.
To be honest I was afraid of being creative and put ceilings in my mind on my ability to create anything worthy of a compliment. I would openly say that I was not a creative person, or blame my inability to create on my dislike of social media. I had a huge unhealthy fear of putting myself out there and being vulnerable. I remember when I first started working with my 'creative director ' (aka Kit Stone, my incredible photographer and creative mastermind), for redesigning my website, we would get into some pretty intense conversations regarding my resistance to social media and the need for such a tool in todays world. They would try and encourage a little bit of engagement on social media and I would shut them down immediately. I was adamant that I was not going to get sucked into the social media drain hole and succumb to the brainwashing. At one point I had worked myself up so much that I began crying and had a wee anxiety attack on the spot. I remember thinking, you want me to draw more attention to myself and put myself out there for ridicule or judgement? or another fan favourite of mine, 'what wisdom do I have that people would want to listen to? (oh yes...that was a big gremlin of mine)
If I did receive a compliment for what I was creating in my life or any compliment, to be honest, I would respond with "I try". Why could I not just say thank you and feel ok?
What I have since learned was that I was struggling with receiving love. I was struggling with just saying thank you and being ok in the acknowledgement of my efforts. I was struggling to allow myself to be vulnerable and open myself up to anyone in fear that I would be rejected for just being me. I was struggling with just saying thank you for others me showing love.
This has been a challenging perspective to feel and incorporate..To simply say thank you when love is shared without feeling like you have to give something in return.
Why do we feel like we have to earn love?
This is what I know and put my trust in today.....
WE ARE LOVE, we do not need to earn love, it is within us already!
It is in us to give, our love is within us to receive with grace and that energy that is love is all around us to recognize and connect with.
A wise woman friend said to me recently ....'when you put love out into the universe, it will return to you! your job is to accept that love and say thank you in return. You are simply receiving the love that you put out there'. THIS WAS A HUGE MESSAGE FOR ME TO HEAR...I LITERALLY DIDN'T GET IT BEFORE I HEARD THIS. I was looking at it all wrong, thinking I had to earn the love I was receiving. Now I feel I truly understand the meaning of this statement. I am the love I need, I am the love that I receive, I am love.....I AM ENOUGH!!!!
thank you @_brendajohston for always providing a perspective to ponder and for your wisdom