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What a difference a day makes....
Two days ago I tried to write this blog but I couldn't find the energy to compose words, literally no words came out of my mouth most of the day. My vibration and energy was so low I just wanted to sleep, and cry ... but i couldn't sleep and no tears came out. The corners of my lips didn't have the strength to turn up on the ends to even smirk. My body felt like a thousand pound brick and my heart was just....sad. Even on my daily walks these past few days my brain perceived everything as heavy, tall and looming over me, alone and weighted down....like these trees and the snow weighing heavy on the branches.
So there I was, sad and heavy.
So I waited....waited for it to pass, let it flow through me.
I find that as I get older I 'feel' and observe more around me. I feel the energy of my body more, I feel the emotion in my heart more, I hear intention differently, and I process it all as individually as they are presented then processed in my mind. I feel and honour what my physical and emotional body are feeling and observe how things around me make me feel. Outside of our responsibilities, of course, I no long stress about what I am suppose to be doing or how I am 'suppose to be', I honour my feelings first then figure out how to move through that state at the same time vs ignoring my feelings or body altogether. I know that that may sound selfish to some, and perhaps irresponsible to others, and I am ok with that. I spent many years running my life for everyone else, making sure I was the perfect mom/wife/daughter/worker/friend/family member, despite how I was feeling or managing. I just did it and put 1500% energy into it all the time....always the hostess with the most'est!
Perhaps with age I am allowing myself the time and honour to put me first vs when I was younger I would just push through all of the feelings and sensations because I had to be perfect....I had shit I needed to get done and only 24hrs in a day to do it like only Wonder Woman can. Now I honour how I am feeling first in my whole body and soul and then adjust my day based on that observation. I can understand now that I am ok if I don't have a super productive day, and by 'productive' I mean the level of accomplishment/expectations that we hold ourselves accountable based on those perceived levels around us to validate our existence (insert your own words of acceptance and accountability)...as a parent, employee, family member, friend....the list of expectations goes on! Those are all important, those goes without saying, however, the cost of achieving all of those should not be at your own mental or physical well being.
I had two days where I was really in my head, feeling and letting the heavy exhaustive energy take over and feeling like I was drowning in this sadness. To be honest sinking into that feeling doesnt actually suit me or feel like me...its not what I normally do yet I allowed myself that time to feel and let the energy that needed to move through me to move. And it did and, if I am being honest, it felt like shit while it took its sweet ass time to go. Now for those that know me well know that I dont stop even when I am sick or down with a sore back and I'm not suggesting that when we feel like shit that we take the day off and abandon all our responsibilities ...far from it. What I am offering is permission to feel, to witness and welcome what comes up in your body, mind or heart and just sit with it, FEEL IT AND ALLOW IT TO MOVE THROUGH YOU without judgement or ridicule (from yourself or others). Allow these flows to exists within you as you navigate your day or situation. Observe what you are feeling and reflect deeper as to why you may be feeling this way. We too often ignore or push aside these moments so that we do not feel discomfort or potentially derail our productivity or life. Yet in doing this we often miss the blessing/lesson in the moment. Emotions often get caught up in our body, in our tissue and cells and become blocked, opening the door to further pain and suffering as they manifest into other ailments.... potentially.
A friend checked in on me yesterday and I was reminded of the importance of passive patient support (with self or with others). They were not asking anything of me, not trying to fix me or take away what I was feeling, just listened as I reflected on my mood. They just witnessed what I was going through, offered hugs (virtually lol) and then let me be. At first I was kinda put off at the passivity of the exchange, then I realized that was exactly what I needed. No distractions. Just time to let it flow through. I said that 'this too shall pass, that tomorrow is another day and it will be beautiful'. And sure enough it did. I didn't try and fix myself even (normally I would have done anything to distract myself from feeling bad), I was patient and accepted what needed to come out. Sometimes it is really ugly tears, you know the 'boohoo' crocodile/ hot mess kind...ya that kind. What I find is the release is so much greater if you just let it flow through. Everything that distracts us comes into our life for a reason or a lesson....be patient and the meaning will reveal itself....it always does.
I am a believer that all things happen for a reason and we either can be open and witness these little miracles and find beauty and grace in the process or we can be stubborn and refuse to witness all of life's blessings. Sometimes these heavy moments turn into beautiful blessings or releases of the old and heavy energy in our body.
Blessings are easy to witness and accept into our life, lessons are a little harder to accept. No matter what life is placing on your path, witness and observe, be humble and be grateful for all of the connections that you have in life. Each one of them is a blessing or a lesson in some way, either way they are meant for us to feel alive!
The picture below is taken just out behind my house. These trees remind me of each of us as we walk this journey together. Staggered individuals purposely placed on our path. We may not be beside each other but we are not alone in this life. The snow on the branches remind me of our unique lives, each flake representing something in our life (current or past) that we carry or witness on this journey. Some things weighing heavier than others, yet never worse that what someone else is carrying. Whatever you are carrying in your life know that you are not alone, we are all here together. If I can help you on your journey I will....I am here for you as I know there are people there for me
Namaste